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          You were just cold

          hands and a foreign

          scarf, a crystalline

          elegy to yourself



                    -- brutal and brittle

                    and bruised and serene --



          finding a truth you liked

          in nameless ennui

          and apt-black mirrors.



          I was just a temperate

          screen, a kite

          before uncertain systems



          I sought defeat in

          your lacerating smiles

          that stole me from

          myself, so gladly,

          into your thrall.



          Foolishness makes lovers of us all.



                -- as physical forces
        
                we came together --



          We were one silhouette,

          one syllable,

          one mark, but we

          drove two lines. From

          our cross-purposed furrow

          you cast another

          weightless regret

          and as I fell I

          found them,

                        these grim systems

                             ribbonned in crystalline shards.



               -- our forces now

               a magnetic aversion --



          We are no allegory or parable.

          I still bear your ribbons.

          But I do not wear your veil.



     
©2005-2009 ~LazyLinePainterJohn
:iconlazylinepainterjohn:

Author's Comments

I wrote this several days ago, but haven't had a chance to get to dA until now. It's another attempt at the newer style I tried on "To imagine ourselves unique". I have an essay to finish today (Byzantine still not done) but thereafter I can give far more of my time to replying to messages and critiquing things I promised to... This poem is old news in some ways; but I really wanted to use the line "foolishness makes lovers of us all". In fact, a lot of these lines are cribbed from randomly scribbled scraps of things I liked the sound of. I didn't expect them all to crop up in one poem, but I wasn't feeling very inspired or original. Maybe it shows. Also, not sure about title.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconzebrazebrazebra:
No fair - you're better at being me that I am. ;P

I think I'm going to have to fav this.
:iconlazylinepainterjohn:
No I'm not. Don't be silly. I'd planned to rattle off quick replies to everything accumulated in my inbox, I'm already late, and now you're filling it up again with yet more kind remarks. Damn you liking my poems.

I can't believe you're faving things of mine! I really can't believe it! This has made my day!
:iconcogitopibbus:
This is very well done. I so infrequently say this, but, I wouldn't change a thing about it.


Rock on
:headbang:

--
When one begins to think in poetry, every frame of life becomes a painting.

Rock on
:headbang:
:iconlazylinepainterjohn:
Thanks so much! Sorry for delay in replying, when I can't get to the internet every day my dA stuff seems to get left behind. How did you come across it? Also, I was going to look up your work... and noticed you've taken it all down. Any plans to resubmit in the future?
:iconthe-forlorn-one:
beautiful! I fear if I attempt an advanced critique or comment I will embarass myself lol, I think this is beautiful writing god I aspire to write pieces such as this .....i am not worthy :worship:


I am going to fave this ...:heart: and watch you

--
"...The third angel blew his trumpet, and a great star fell from heaven, blazing like a torch, and it fell on a third of the rivers and in the fountains of water. The name of the star is Wormwood....
:iconlazylinepainterjohn:
Thanks so much! I'm so flattered I don't know what to say except I'm glad you like it. Don't be afraid to critique it, I'm there's something you don't like I'll probably agree with you and change it. (-:
:iconthe-forlorn-one:
lol okies....glad it made you happy, I always enjoy recieveing critique and comments too, glad to have been of slight help :)


:heart:

--
"...The third angel blew his trumpet, and a great star fell from heaven, blazing like a torch, and it fell on a third of the rivers and in the fountains of water. The name of the star is Wormwood....
:iconshadowofeternity:
holy crap monkeys thats wonderful. its defiant yet meditative. powerful yet calm. sweeeeet stuff. :clap:
:iconlazylinepainterjohn:
Thank you! I'm becoming overwhelmed with compliments! I actually like this one far more than "In solitude, in entropy"; and I'm glad the right kind of feeling has come across. It's kind of my final word on an unhappy experience and I think the rancour had dissipated by this point, even if the defiance had not. Cheers again!

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June 5, 2005
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